fuckyeahsimonamstell:

Noel: If you diss him one more time, I will slash you up.
Kristen: I’m gonna watch.
Noel: I’m gonna give you a Chinese burn and then Kristen’s gonna pour …
Simon: A pot of noodle on me? Yeah, go on!
Noel: Cream soda this time.
Simon: And then dragons will fly in and put bubbles in my head? Is that how it works? You just say funny words and it works, does it? You just try out weird words, hippopotamus and juggling, is that what happens? Anyone can do that! I’ve got fact based jokes!
Noel: Don’t make me cut the stuffing out of your pillow.
Simon: With a pair of scissors made of glitter?
Noel: No. With a motorbike made of jealousy.